I was queried today by an individual whose intellect, I have suitably assessed on several occasions - to be mirroring that of a subterranean creature, what I opined about human relationships - and more specifically about "love".
That outlined, the reason for the commencement of my blogging experience stems from the fact that several such "questionable" incidents have occurred over the period of last decade (a reasonable estimate given - I am doing the un-enviable task of validating my own intelligence -which by the way - people are acutely prone to overshoot). The discussions end - either upon the the departure of the other(s) from the vocal range or exit of self in - dismay, denial or disgust. What is left behind is a plethora of unsaid but ripe analysis that slowly decays and this time I guess, I am going to go out on more than just a limb and see if anyone out there can contribute to the way I think and possible provide value addition to my analytical skills. It's a thoroughly selfish motive, aimed (currently) at self improvement - but atleast I am willing to swallow my pride.
Now I am not sure if everyone who does manage to read this post has had a chance to "fall in love" - my reason for saying so is that I am reasonably confident that I have not. Well for starters - on the most elementary level - what absolutely gem of reasoning could justify its addressal as "falling in love". Love - if that is what I would like to call it at this point is, should elevate us. It should have the capacity of improving the overall quality of life of each individual involved. That is definitely not falling.
But, whenever there has been an attempt by myself to try an understand - what giggly teenagers or stable adults mean - when claiming (either in the reel or real life) that they "love someone", the only explanation that I keep returning to is as follows...
Love - is getting used to. Its getting used to the others' idiosyncrasies. It's getting habituated to waking up next to another person. It's really getting used to another person. It's really being able to subconsciously take the others' support for granted.
Recycled paper based cards proclaiming the same in more fanciful expressions do sound more palate friendly - but I truly feel that this is what it's all about. We deny it, we try to fight it and then curse each other that we have fallen out of love. Bah ! !
<< looks like it's time for me to take break - my research beckons. Nevertheless, please feel free to add another link to this broken chain of thoughts..>>
That outlined, the reason for the commencement of my blogging experience stems from the fact that several such "questionable" incidents have occurred over the period of last decade (a reasonable estimate given - I am doing the un-enviable task of validating my own intelligence -which by the way - people are acutely prone to overshoot). The discussions end - either upon the the departure of the other(s) from the vocal range or exit of self in - dismay, denial or disgust. What is left behind is a plethora of unsaid but ripe analysis that slowly decays and this time I guess, I am going to go out on more than just a limb and see if anyone out there can contribute to the way I think and possible provide value addition to my analytical skills. It's a thoroughly selfish motive, aimed (currently) at self improvement - but atleast I am willing to swallow my pride.
Now I am not sure if everyone who does manage to read this post has had a chance to "fall in love" - my reason for saying so is that I am reasonably confident that I have not. Well for starters - on the most elementary level - what absolutely gem of reasoning could justify its addressal as "falling in love". Love - if that is what I would like to call it at this point is, should elevate us. It should have the capacity of improving the overall quality of life of each individual involved. That is definitely not falling.
But, whenever there has been an attempt by myself to try an understand - what giggly teenagers or stable adults mean - when claiming (either in the reel or real life) that they "love someone", the only explanation that I keep returning to is as follows...
Love - is getting used to. Its getting used to the others' idiosyncrasies. It's getting habituated to waking up next to another person. It's really getting used to another person. It's really being able to subconsciously take the others' support for granted.
Recycled paper based cards proclaiming the same in more fanciful expressions do sound more palate friendly - but I truly feel that this is what it's all about. We deny it, we try to fight it and then curse each other that we have fallen out of love. Bah ! !
<< looks like it's time for me to take break - my research beckons. Nevertheless, please feel free to add another link to this broken chain of thoughts..>>
<< 8.24.2004>>
And here is the unsaid part - people who don't "find love" - what ever that means, spend a considerable portion of their natural lives trying to find it. I am guessing, what they really mean is that they are trying to find a person compatible with them. Which brings up the next really abused concept - compatibility.
Now I have a fair amount of awareness in the realms of basic maths etc. and here's is how I see it. Anyone (or for that matter anything else) other than our own physical being is a variable. Just like any set of equations - the more the unknown - the more time it takes to solve it and the more rigorous the road to the solution is. Translating this very simple but astute reasoning to our daily lives, here's how it maps on. We are expecting compatibility - from a different person who has his/her own manner of reacting to each stimuli. Furthemore, one must also understand that each of those reactions is a variable. Clearly - when we cannot vouch for our own consistency of reaction to a certain stimulus at all times, how can we humanly expect to be able to find the solution to this small problem (of finding compatibility) without putting the rigorous effort of solving it in time ?
Time, unfortunately quite a few amongst are exceedingly possessive about - and don't want to share. Compatibility is demanded (maybe expected) but at a minimal "cost".
Give it time. Put in the effort. Once you get used to the person - you will get used to their idiosyncrasies - you will get the solution to your equations. You would have found love.
Now am I embittered ? probably not. Exact - probably.
8 comments:
Hey Ashu,
Great story !! However the comments in parenthesis just break my thought process(considering the fact that u'r sentences are really long)
Good luck.
Parul :)))))
That was so fun to read. You think so deaply, it is so difrent from anythign els I have ever read. Or difrent from anything that I often read. I think it is great that you seem to naturally think so deaply, and have the patients to just type it all out. I enjoyed it so.
Dear Ashu,
So what "variables" from your "questionable" incidents
didn't fit into your exact equation of love? Your definition of love says that one must get use to the variables. Someone evidently didn't get use to them.
Matt
Dear Matt,
The "questionable" incidents are discussions that take place wherein, my friends and others express their views on this and other issues. This was my take.
I am willing to put in the time for the rigrous solution - unfortunately not many else are...
Ashu
Dear Ashu,
I agree with your thoughts that relationships are a life long process and the depthness of love grows upon the quality and length of time spent building a life together. Also, I admit that many are not willing to endure the struggles that are associated with the variables each individual brings with them.
I like to think of compatability as the desire of one's commitment to another. Relationships take a enormous amount of time and energy especially in the beginning. I have been witness to many (my own and some friends), in which the ingredients that are necessary to secure a relationship are left out due to time, control issues, and/or the unwillingness to compromise. I want to think that blending two individuals and their personalities would be an assest to the quality of both lifes. Achieving this balance must be done consciously and with effort.
However, no matter how enticing the prospect to love and too be loved is, the world of reality is often cruel to those in search of this compatibilty. I feel both men and women have a difficult time giving themselves up to someone else. Letting go of the security of ones own life to go to the unfamiliarity of another takes courage. Recognizing the fact that one can take anothers support for granted also takes courage.
Mattie
aka Matt
You are quite right !
Ashu
I wonder what you think about friendship given your definition of 'falling in love' is 'getting used to'!
Just a random thought which you can choose to ignore.
Hey Ashu,
I happened to read your blog....again ( I did not have the faintest of memory of having read it before, until I saw my comment). This time of course I'm more mature ( well, hopefully ;)
It is really well written and you have managed to put down your definition of love fairly simply.
You say love is getting used to another person and taking them for granted.
I beg to differ on the second part..taking the other for granted. How can you take someone's love for granted especially in today's times?
In my opinion, love is like wine, it grows stronger with time if preserved well. ( Key word: Preserve)
Parul
Post a Comment