This pursuit.

My attention was recently directed to what Franz Kafka once penned (and incidentally also occupies a stable berth in my electronic mail signature) – “By believing passionately in something, we create it. The non-existent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired”. Quite frankly, despite the acute reservations and sentiments harbored by a significant chunk of humanity pertaining to its author, self on occasions (totaling more than one) has dissolved in the inherent rightness of these lines.

Recent events and the ensuing fallout from the same, has created a very riddling state of being for me and now, much to my own dismay, I find myself trying to justify the absolute in the said claim by Mr. Kafka (which was a very comfortable blanket that I had wrapped myself in). My primary stumbling in the aforementioned qualification is trying to figure out, whether the scattered desires in my possession are even perceptible or to be slightly generic – is every desire (complemented with the suitable degree of passionate pursuit) reachable ?

Digging deeper, it turns out – that all our pursuits are somehow knotted with some second being – which more often than not, presents a reasonably respectable degree of challenge in unthreading the same. Quite often than not, all the rationality and the supporting structure of “logic” and all that is unfounded by one moment of realization. In one instant we find ourselves pursuing a break in the thread – and after that, remains can only last for so long. Silly and terribly naïve (despite my best attempts at re-affirmation to the contrary) that I am, I find that I didn’t even drop the breadcrumbs along the way.

And this seems to me – is fairly applicable; whether what I have been wishing and wanting for my own existence or those who are my own building block. They say, hoping against hope is foolish and more often than not, a tragically fine symptom of immaturity and the associated dribbles. Nevertheless, one thing is perfectly apparent – if passionate pursuit is to be attempted, a certain instances of such symptoms should be present in the being. That seems to be the price for sign of life ! (if only a sign)

So has the thread snapped – possibly so. Do I feel wary – most definitely so. Am I changing my loyalty to what one particular Austrian said… not presently.

and I AM smiling !

-A