That process....

"..and what would a scone be?" is not particularly high on the lists of appropriate questions that one can ejaculate - upon being queried by an exceedingly attractive young lady in possession of extremely blue eyes and other appreciable attributes – behind the counter at a coffee shop – "whether I would like to try one of their fresh scones ? "

Of course, in my defense – genuine ignorance to such eatables and then some – might help in re-establishing some sense of validity of the sun, the moon and basic life on the whole for the inquirer – however there is more to such events involving me than meets the casual eye (apart from the myopic variety – in my possession). On a more recent note – I was involved in a setup that provided for a terribly enticing opportunity to enjoy a lunch aboard cruise ship for self and other colleagues.

Upon – my withdrawal from the same, in what may be readily attested as being "swift" by those who know me; I was queried by a friend – who definitely means terribly well – about the reasons for the same. And that is when everything fell apart. I don’t believe I did the kind of a job explaining the same – which would earn a passing grade in any decent evaluation. Thereupon – I write this in an attempt to retry the explanation process in the hope that written words might seem more coherent than those I uttered earlier.

Let me start out by explaining certain things that I am inherently not comfortable romancing: Though the list is rather detailed – a few gems from the same are – formal attire – especially a suit, museum trips, cruises, etc.

You see – process is a remarkable thing; applicable everywhere, yet, almost invisible to the casual audience. Somewhere in that lies the ability to for us to grow and learn and this is how I see it:

We can chance – what we may or may not have attempted in the past, despite our reservations, only if we can place ourselves planted in some mental image of the scenario in question. For the most part, the natural process of succumbing to curiosity is sufficient in ensuring that we are able to overcome most of our reservations. However – on certain occasions, the inherent reservation is so elemental in nature that it leads to a serious conflict regarding our perception of our own selves.

Case in point – let me sight something else that was suggested to me by a very good friend of mine. "Opera"

Now, I have been known on occasions to valiantly crush the sense of dread and plunge head-along in endeavors of similar flavor – however, this was not to be so in this case. Given my back ground – that being rather bourgeois, and highly bland, the first and foremost hurdle that I am faced subsequent to such suggestions is – how to conduct myself? Clearly mimicking the actors in "real time" is out of the question and so is whistling at opportune moments. Obviously that is apparent, however - what is not so apparent to me is how to appreciate the performance without understanding even a singular syllable therein.

Better and additionally qualified individuals would suggest that – inculcation of such faculties are imperative towards an overall well rounded and symmetrically proportionate personality development and all that. I guess it trickles down to the basic fear of embarrassment (immaterial is the fact that I should be immune to such sentiments given my knack for steering myself towards embarrassing moments with disturbing deftness and frequency). To top this point off rather sufficiently is – what I feel probably a sense of guilt that I am trying to be someone I am not. Having been brought up in a developing nation – where bottled water finds place in the things of luxury – so forth, I guess there was no time to sit back and understand and appreciate finesse' oozing out of a performance rendered in an alien language.

I do stand corrected on several issues that I didn’t realize growing up, and I am also embarrassed to admit that the above mentioned sense of guilt no longer bothers me about those I have succumbed to.

There is a lot more I believe that I have left to say – and somehow coherence of thought for which remains – escapes me now. I attempted to pen down my reasons at walking away from the some very sincere suggestions from people who mean a lot to me – and the ensuing feeling of guilt at not being able to explain them exactly why, is the motivation today.

Someday – who knows I might even try visiting a restaurant where a reservation is necessary – till then I hope all my friends and people who matter to me – would continue to indulge my thorough ignorance.

A.M